WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
