just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
