I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
