meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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