can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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