well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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