how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize