At least make sure they are 18
Why
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
