I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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