her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
