Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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