sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
