she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
