grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
