I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
