I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
