Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
