I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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