Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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