can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
