I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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