Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
