so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
