grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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