rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
