O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize