dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
