What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
