good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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