i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize