Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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