fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
