i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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