Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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