I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
