I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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