I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize