That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
