if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize