I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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