mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
