There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
