there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
