Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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