So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
