I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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