Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
