Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
