Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
