My first STD was from a foam party
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
