just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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