i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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