Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
