I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
