He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
