Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
