Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
