Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
