Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
