And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
