dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
