that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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