two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
