And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize