I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
