something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
