LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
