Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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