I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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