She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
